Our Editarian Chair, Kevin V. B. Schumacher has created a report to beat all others, even if it is only in his imagination!
On the eve of the apocalypse, our gathering was non-traditional to say the least. Calling this group together without the promise of Lansing Center cookies is like herding cats. In the absence of an actual meeting, I pulled an Al Haig, and started my own meeting on FB, reprising my singing of My Way last June, which met with very mixed reviews. A 50 year friend commented, “I thought it would never end.” A current client commented, “Go Home”, but that was before I explained we weren’t actually meeting. Then he commented, “Go Home (exclamation point, nasty emoji). Another friend called me and said it was so nice of me to sing at a senior center Note to self, leave special music to the professionals.  Go to:     https://youtu.be/J-sIwvE-CFE  to see the performance.
In the absence of real Rotarians, I made up my fantasy Rotary team for this week’s meeting. President Duane, The Rock, Johnson sauntered into the room, just a few minutes late and called the meeting to order. He was packing his own heat. He didn’t do any announcements, gave no speech, he just stood there for a smoldering moment of self reflection (Jumanji, 2017). Janis Joplin then gave the invocation, singing Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz and all was right with my world until Jeff Crippen jumped up and launched into a commercial for Chevy. President Duane tossed Crippen aside. Jack Nicholson gave us the health of the club. “One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” (Bucket List, 2007).
Introducing our speaker of the day was Samuel Langhorn Clements, known to me as Josh, but to the rest of you as Mark Twain. A grand orator in his own right, Twain introduced our travelogue speaker of the day, Yoop Erx, who entertained us with tales of his 1964 excursion to Alaska.. It was Easter, 1964, and an unsuspecting Alaska wasn’t prepared for the onslaught about to beset it. I’m not talking about the historic earthquake, no far from it. Yoop Erx’s family spent the weekend planning a camping visit to the new state to see what it looked like after an earthquake. Thirty days on the road eating pancakes for breakfast and egg salad sandwiches for lunch and Dinty Moore Stew for Dinner, all cooked over a Coleman. In all there were Vince & Dee and their 5 kids, Gene & Henrietta & their 7 kids plus grandpa Nob and grandma Nel, all packed into a Rambler and customized Ford Van. Customized in the fact that the seats were removed and replaced with an 8' bathtub, cut in half but with legs on it to serve as seating for the kids. For 1200 Miles on the AlCan Highway the family spent the nights setting up camp and patching tires around the fire. The return trip featured a passage on cruise ship in which the family was quarantined on the lower decks (only the cheap parents were allowed on the upper deck in search of liquid courage to face their brooding hoard below). Yoop Erx shared over 250 pictures taken by Vince, almost all of which featured vast expanses of God knows where wildnerness with nary a sight of any family members. Yoop Erx concluded his speech in true Ned Legg fashion with a promise to return with the rest of the story.
President The Rock concluded the meeting with another smoldering hot look towards the audience and we knew not to ask any questions about 4 way tests or coins. Next week’s meeting promises to be another barn burner as Yoop Erx will tell about the family visit to Monticello and how they cooked a snake they ran over in the Smokeys.
Kevin Schumacher's email:  Schumacher@glassenrhead.com