So here’s the rollercoaster: I was your Editarian on Friday. I wrote the minutes. They were beautiful. Pulitzer-worthy. Then I, in a moment of technological arrogance, restarted my computer without saving. The auto insurance proposal I was working on in the background wouldn’t load. As soon as I restarted, I exclaimed “Shit! The rotary minutes!”
So I made up a whole new version from scratch - leaned into the chaos, filled in gaps with creative fiction, and passed it off as “close enough.”
And THEN I found the original Word doc. In a folder labeled “~WRA0002” like some kind of witness protection program. So what you’re reading now is a mashup of the real minutes, the fake minutes, and some things I just made up because they felt true spiritually.
Before we go any further: it has come to my attention that in the last set of minutes, I was listed as the Editarian as Ben Rathburn. Which, while an honorable attempt, is not my name. Don’t Burn the Bun.™
Rebecca was actually present. Which was honestly a shock to those of us who’ve tracked her attendance this year. But she was there, gavel in hand, ready to close out her reign of selective availability. We kicked things off with the Four-Way Test and the Star-Spangled Banner.
My very own Marcy Rzepka passed the mic around so we could meet our guests and visiting Rotarians. Highlights included Patti Laugavitz, Executive Director of Red Cedar Lodge, invited by Kim Garland. Rebecca brought along two of her own: Cailan O’Rourke from Capital Fundraising Associates, and Todd Cook, her husband and the Director of the Senate Business Office—aka the man who has the patience of a saint and a front-row seat to every Rebecca production.
We heard a health update: Cathy is having cataract surgery, so keep her in your thoughts, prayers, and visual affirmations.
Then came special music, courtesy of Terry Terry, who introduced Lansing Poet Laureate Ruelaine Stokes. She read original work inspired by eavesdropping at a café in East Lansing and followed it up with “The Coming of Light” by Mark Strand. It was reflective and elegant.
Lolo Robison gave the reflection for the day, and it was the first sign that this meeting wasn’t going to follow the usual rules. It turned into a soft-launch roast. Highlights:
· Rebecca is an overachiever.
· She does not hobnob with commoners.
· Her attendance was spotty.
· She is the Queen of Delegation.
· She is Jewish and Turkish.
· She drives up auction prices out of spite.
· She may have multiple husbands (this seems false to me?).
And then, the roast began. Lisa Smith emceed the madness, starting with a joke about Asian drivers - directed at Lolo. “I’m Asian,” Lisa said, “so I can say it.” And apparently we all just... moved on. She reminisced about the “Q-Tips,” a pack of elderly white men in suits who ruled Rotary before it got fun. She name-dropped Kelly Rossman-McKinney, coiner of “Ovarian Rotarian,” and reminded us that Rebecca was still, somehow, democratically chosen. So really, the blame is on us.
Then came Michelle Reynaert, armed with a PowerPoint and a voice described by Lisa as “notoriously sexy baby.” She scrolled through Rebecca’s social media posts from the past year: birthdays, brunches, husband shoutouts, political rallies. Not a single post about Rotary. Not even a pity share. We were the side piece.
Chris Holman followed, noting that Rebecca has fundraised for just about everything -including, but not limited to, tuba valve safety and hydration stations. He didn’t even sound like he was joking.
Courtney Millbrook came up last and admitted she was terrified of Rebecca. Which was brave, because so are the rest of us, but we didn’t say it into a microphone. She pointed out that Rebecca used this club as her personal campaign machine, flipping 20,000 votes in Allegan County.
The meeting ran over. It was absolutely not Rebecca’s fault. Blame the PowerPoint. Blame the poems. Blame democracy.
Rebecca closed out the roast with a rebuttal that was half apology, half TED Talk. She took all the roasting like a champ. Rounded up her attendance record. Claimed emotional presence as a valid substitute. And reminded us that being her friend still comes with perks - just not social media mentions.
Then came the ceremonial passing of the gavel. Chris Swope is now President. Rebecca received her Past President pin and badge and immediately left to attend to her trustee duties.
Next week’s meeting is the Annual Foundation Meeting. We adjourned at 1:36, a full six minutes over, which ironically makes this one of Rebecca’s longest recorded appearances of the year.
Email for Ben Rathbun: Ben@rathbunagency.com
CLICK HERE to see the Zoom recording from the "Roast"